The Return of Blogging

So, It's been since December since I wrote last. Quite a long time. So much has happened. Good and Bad, but mainly Good.

Since the last writing I have gotten Studio Gear. I'll write on that later. I've overcome one of the hugest obstacles in my life, Praise God. It's only been through His Grace, and not my works.

I'm sponsoring two orphans. One from Pakistan and the other Myanmar. I bought a Djembe too. I've been to some great concerts, been camping and preparing for Worship Unto Him, an event 3 years in the making, and it all comes down to August 17-19 of this year!!

I've been through some really rough patches too. Breaking down, confessing, and getting rid of junk. I've been leading worship at the Cambridge House of Prayer, which will be getting bigger sometime soon. All awesome stuff. And the coolest one is I'm in a season of Songwriting.

Over the years God has given me songs once in a while. Chunks of them. Now, there has been more. He graciously allowed me to get my gear so I can record my ideas. But songs have been coming like crazy. At night, during morning at work, whenever. I am planning a CD. I have the ideas, and hopefully in less then 2 years I will have one. Lots of work ahead, but with what God has been doing, it shouldn't be too long. I think I'm finally healed from what happened with “her”. It's taken a while, but it did o so hurt me. I'm ready to move on. It's like there is a famine of women around who really love Jesus though. I do need to focus on Jesus more and more. That's really all I want. I've just been seeking confirmation on stuff, waiting and hoping. There is this lady I know. I would like to get to know her better-- not date her. It seems one sided when trying to talk to her, because I don't know her side much at all, and I would like to. I'd just like to be a part of her world somehow. Become good friends. I don't know what, or how to do that. How can I do that without her thinking I'm hitting on her or have other motives when asking her to do something? I'd just like more friends I can do stuff with and hang out with. If she ever reads this, I hope she would let me know if this is even possible.

Well, Lots is going on, and I want to start writing more and more. Remember, these are my raw thoughts and feelings at the time of their writing. Please be praying for me.

Jacob Whom Jesus Loves

Chicken Jalfrezi

Tonight, for the first time, I cooked Chicken Jalfrezi. It's an Indian type of food. It was served on top of Basmati rice, and had some warm flat bread on the side.

I must say it was very excellent. I am surprised that it all worked out. I hardly cook, less something this complicated, but it turned out all good. I had some help from my mother on some stuff, but I prepared and cooked the dish (my mom did the rice and gave me advice). I think the total time for prep and cooking was like an hour and a half or so.

I had this once at an Indian restaurant in Roseville, and it was quite good, so I wanted to try it myself. It tasted nearly the same as I remembered it. The taste was quite unique, it wasn't spicy but was very flavorful. The house still smells like it. Everything has it's own quite unique smell, and when put together it's very good. I'd recommend trying it if you ever have a chance too. It's an experience of flavor and smell. Most items can be found at a local store, except the ghee, that might take some searching.

Here is the recipe if you're interested. I used chicken breast meat rather then thighs though.

http://recipes.allrecipes.com/Utilities/PrintRecipe.aspx?RecipeID=28372&servings=6&Format=Full

Why did I do a blog on food? It was that good, and it was the first time I made it.

I have a secret.

I have a secret.
I have a secret I'd like to tell.

I can't listen to Christmas music.
I have trouble singing it too.

No, it's not that I don't like it, in fact I love the Christmas music that exults Christ's birth.
It's the old standards I like, not new stuff.

Since I've been saved I haven’t been able to watch a Charlie Brown Christmas without tearing up or getting emotional with Linus tells the true meaning of Christmas.
The same thing happens when I try to sing or listen to certain Christmas songs. I tear up and get emotional. The story why is below.

I guess it's the power of God, the awesomeness of Jesus’ birth, the moving of the Spirit.
The fact that God became a man, sacrificed His life for mine, and died on a cross and took my sin so that I would be saved through Him by faith.

I've heard the true date of Jesus’ birth is sometime around October - December. The Hebrew calendar changes now and then so it isn't the same as the normal calendar. I guess the 25th was picked to overshadow the pagan holidays around the same time. I think that they did that for a few holidays. The day belongs to Jesus though. It's a day to focus on God's free gift to us for salvation. It's not about Santa, presents, decorated trees, and lights. It's become way to commercial, so far off of the TRUE meaning of why we celebrate that day. Basically taking Christ out of Christmas. Happy Holidays has replaced it or X-mas. sick. That's ok. They can have their X-mas, or whatever they want call it. I'll have Christmas, even if there is no tree, gifts, lights, food or whatever. I have Jesus. I love Jesus, and I'll take a day, or even every day to thank the Father for sending us Jesus. All the secular people can take it all away from the media, stores, government, work, whatever, I still have Jesus. I'll worship Him. It's not about all the "stuff"; Christmas is about Celebrating Jesus birth. That simple.

-An excerpt from A Charlie Brown Christmas-

Charlie Brown - "Isn't there anyone out there who can tell me what Christmas is all about?"
Linus - "Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you. Lights, please."

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie brown."

(Luke 2:8-14 KJV)

Most of the reason for being emotional comes around half a year before I was saved. God had started really working in my life, my life was changing, I knew it. I had done some stuff I wasn't proud of, and it was going to get worse in a few days. Take a trip back to December 2000.

While things in my life were changing a very good friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to this Christmas story thing at the Xcel. Thinking it would be a good time just to get out of the house, I said I’d go. It was my friend, his mom and her boyfriend (now her husband), his brother and sister in-law. We ate at Timber Lodge and then went to the show. I had no idea what the show was really about, I was hanging out with friends. I was making fun of the whole thing as a front with one of the people who was against God, but inside I knew better.

It was a show with music, a little drama, kind of cheesy at the time… those Christians you know…lol. This place was packed. People everywhere.
There was an intermission and I talked and sat around but then the real stuff started to happen.
They started to sing the classic Christmas songs, the songs that exult Jesus.

Then,
Something happened.
There was something going on.
Me being a skeptical person, and from being a druid, there was something going on, something I didn’t know about.
Everyone around had their hands lifted high to God.
They were all singing.
There was this Presence in the place.
I could feel it.
It was the Holy Spirit! He was moving though that place in such a VERY powerful way.

I tried to sing the songs, and I started to cry. Tears streamed down my face.
This was a very, very real touch from God. There was nothing that could explain this.
God was there. He showed me something I’d never felt before.
It was so awesome. I don’t think I led on to anything that happened that night. I tried to cover it.
I don’t remember parts of that night, but I know the important parts, and I do tell this story to some people about the Power of God.

I was unsaved and did not know God. He used people, circumstances and this event and more to get me ready. He has been leading my whole life, without me knowing.
He showed me His power, let me feel his presence, and see a ton of believers united in worship to the Most High, while I did not know Him. So Awesome! I love God.

Six Months later, and after a lot of junk and changes I was saved. I had started to read the word, meet with other believers, and spending time with God. I started to follow Jesus and haven’t looked back. I don’t want to be in that place I was, or where I was heading.

I thank God for all that he has done, and I’m so grateful that He sent His son to die for me.
That powerful moment changed my life and I hope I never forget about it.

To this day, I can’t sing those songs without crying or getting emotional.
So that is my secret.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas season.

Time?

Hmm... I havn't written in a while.
I have a lot to talk about.
Lots has happened.
I will write soon.
Later Though.
Bye for now.

Today

Well today is my 27th birthday. It has been quite a good day.
As it comes to a close and I reflect on my life I have to say I am certainly blessed!
I have family and friends who love me, and a God, who loves me totally unconditionally.
I got a phone call this morning and the message I got was so uplifting to me and encouraging. Thanks Mom #2. And to my sister (from mom #2), who’s birthday is also today, you beat me to the call but yes, I am 27, and thanks for that call too. And to all who wished me a Happy Birthday, I love you all, I love you even if you didn’t say anything to me.
A week ago, After I wrote my last blog a lot has happened. The time at Firestarters was awesome. All those people were so warm and inviting. Even the meeting the night before was great. I love the presence of God! While at Firestarters, at the end was time for prayer, I could feel such a strong prompting to get prayer, so I did.
I had been suffering from depression pretty much my whole life. It was just a way of life and acting. The depressed musician, yea. I had gotten so sick of it. And after such a crazy year, and how messed up “that girl” made my life, I really needed to be set free.
So I got prayer from some people and I could feel a change that night. On the long way home I was happy. Yes. Happy for multiple reasons, mainly because of what God had done that night. Jesus set me free! I still am that way. I smile and laugh for no apparent reason, I think that might be joy creeping in. I guess I just love Jesus.
I’ve heard happy news over the weekend and such, that gives me hope.
I guess when you strip everything away. Take the money, take the stuff, even all my clothes and junk, there is something that cannot be taken. Faith, and hope.
Even if I were to die, I will go to a better place. I would die for Jesus. A martyr.
I’m not going to do something foolish, but in the process of evangelizing, or any other ministry stuff death is always one of those things that can happen. Look at acts, and read Foxes book of Martyrs. I don’t have a death wish, and I would like to live a long life serving God. But I want to do whatever He calls me to.
Anyway, I am no longer depressed.
I’m trying to build a small recording studio in my room.
Work has been fine.
If I’ve never told you I love you, I do love you. If you have been an enemy, or I don’t even know you. I still love you.
God Loves you, Jesus Loves you, but Repent and give your lives to Jesus. God is a God of Love, but also of Justice. If you have broken any of the Law (think 10 commandments), you are guilty and will go to Hell. God is just, and He judges rightly.
There is none that can call themselves a good person. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Jesus IS the only way. It’s a heart change, not some religious ceremony, not some contrived prayer you say and that’s it. It’s about a convicted conscience, the knowledge that you’ve done something wrong. Turn your lives to Jesus! I heard an excellent way to describe this and more, but that is to come later.

Weddings, Weddings, and more Weddings.

So tonight was Kendal and Jess’s wedding. I was at his bachelor party last weekend and went pheasant hunting, that’s a whole story in itself…. I was very sore after it all.
Anyway, The wedding went great, very unique ceremony. I got too see all the ROL people I haven’t seen in almost a year. I haven’t been back there in a year after I stepped down from leading worship and leaving that church. I think from the hurt of various relationships, and not close friendships made it an awkward evening. I think I have come to that point where I don’t have much in common with those people anymore. Maybe it was just because I was single and almost all my friends in my age group are now married. I really don’t have many single friends anymore, and it kind of depresses me. My friends do ‘couple’ things now, as they should, but I feel really left out and forgotten most of the time now. Like no one really cares for me. I feel this way a lot, and with all these circumstances it doesn’t make it any better. Tonight it made me feel like I want out of this place. Like, “Jesus, Take Me Home”. I almost started to cry. Yes, it’s that bad. I didn’t stay for the ice cream, as I wanted to go to Fusion. I really love all those people. I miss them if I don’t see them.
I love all my friends, but I know what would have happened if I would have stayed at the reception. I would have found some spot to sit with some people I haven’t talked to for a while. I’d watch, eat and simple small talk, never really getting anywhere deep.
I love, and thrive on deep conversation, something with meaning. I don’t like small talk.
I’d see all the happy couples, and the newly weds, and get really depressed. Some people would say it’s my choice, I don’t have to get depressed, well guess what... It just happens.
At the end of the night I’d leave alone, sad, mad, and depressed. I wonder if my friends really care how I feel? When I had thought of committing suicide, they just went on with their own lives, I had a ton of those warning sings, and it just seems like everyone just kept on without even thinking about anyone besides themselves. I didn’t do it just because I wanted to live and piss them off because they didn’t even lift a finger to help.
I love to be around people who are HUNGRY for God! Who want to completely surrender their lives to serve Him. I don’t want some mediocre church life that goes nowhere. I don’t like dead religion. I don’t like religion either. Anything that takes away from the true Power of Jesus, and denies, and makes up their own rules and traditions to suit their own needs is not true Christianity. Don’t put God into a box. You want to know the guidelines, what to follow and what not to? You want to know the true power of God and the Holy Spirit, read the bible. Read the Gospels and Acts. Don’t wait for someone to feed you. You have to go fishing. Don’t wait for the fish to come when they want to. You’ll never get a catch sitting on the shore without a line.
Fusion was great. Evangelism training… and they will actually go OUT and do it.
God is calling us out of the walls. We were never supposed to stay inside. One point of the Gospels is that we… GO OUT! I get to do some worship next Friday, and talk with them and get to know some of them better. I know I’m where God wants me right now.
This will be a total God Filled weekend. Fusion, The meeting at Chris’s home, church, and a trip to Ottertail to the Firestarters ministry! God was doing something in my heart tonight about evangelism and the lost. Kind of like a burning or a desire. I had that a year ago and it might be firing up again. I hope so. I think I disappoint Jesus a lot. I don’t always obey, I have disbelief, and other issues. I know He loves me and will never leave, and I still hear Him sometimes. I’m just in an odd phase and place in my life. It’s almost like transition. Maybe the change between 26 and 27 is like this? October 29th. I’ll be 27. I’m almost 30. Sometimes I just don’t know. I think I just want Jesus. Shut out the rest of the world, go live in a cave, farm the land, and worship Jesus. And time to time venture out and preach to the surrounding villages and towns. I want to be married. To the right one that God has planned out for me. I won’t just settle for anything less.

Jesus, Put a burning desire for the lost, the homeless, and the downtrodden into my Heart.
I ask for the boldness to preach your Word. Give me a revelation of Hell, and the severity of the hour at hand where millions are pouring though Hell’s gate every day. I ask for divine opportunities. Remove the uncomfortable, the fear of man, the anxiety, and anything that hinders love and compassion. Help me keep my mind on the Kingdom of God and not on our own world. This is not my home. I only have a short time here. Put my mind, eyes, thoughts, and heart on Your purposes. I ask for an unquenchable Fire!
Come Lord Jesus, Come! My life is yours.

Sign of the times.

So, this weekend Is going to be very busy.

I am seeing a concert tomorrow night with Maynard. Dizmas, Edison Glass, Future of Forestry, and Turn off the Stars at Club 3 Degrees. It should be a fun night. Then, On Friday night, I'm heading out to Cold Spring to go to a bachelor party, which includes pheasant hunting on Saturday Morning. I'm giving him the gift of ammo. I need to buy my small game license, and while I'm at it, my big game (deer) one too. Then on Sunday, I'm going to my uncles place in southern MN and getting my table (and lamp)... Which is over (or around) 100 years old... A family heirloom. I am supposed to get it when I get married (ahem... Glad it didn't happen with "Her name shall not be sung"), but I get it sooner because it sounds like my uncle wants me to have it quicker. Thank you. Then I will go to cabelas and buy some boots. Then Home. And a new week of work, ever getting closer to my 27th birthday.
So, I'll be 27, and unmarried. sigh. I wanted to be married by now (again, Thank You Lord for it not being with "Her"). It seems that ALL my friends are getting married. It's true. So many, just this year too. It's almost like I missed my "slot", but I know that's not true. I don't know if I have any real 'interests', I do, but I just don't know. It's hard to find one that would fit. Do I give up some standards and thoughts just so I can be married, but I'd loose such a part of who I am. The only thing I can do now is just wait and pray. I do pray for my wife, whoever, wherever she is. I just don't know. I only have a few single friends left.
Why can't I be happy in my singleness? My last relationship, which was completely over almost a year ago, was quite the experience. I never want any guy to go though the stuff I had to endure. It's like all the demons from hell were trying to stop us. I don't know how much I was lied to and deceived, I don't really want to know... But if some of that stuff never happened... I just don't want to know really. I wanted out not too long after being in and all the garbage started.
I want to be married, or have a really close lady friend that would lead to courtship, then marriage. Sigh. Lord Help me.
I really want to just focus on the Lord. Not on women and marriage.
Maybe I should put the list of what I'm looking for in a women to marry online.?
What do any of you readers think?

Next Time: The story of AJAX and the Dealer Locator (Yes, Again.).