Weddings, Weddings, and more Weddings.

So tonight was Kendal and Jess’s wedding. I was at his bachelor party last weekend and went pheasant hunting, that’s a whole story in itself…. I was very sore after it all.
Anyway, The wedding went great, very unique ceremony. I got too see all the ROL people I haven’t seen in almost a year. I haven’t been back there in a year after I stepped down from leading worship and leaving that church. I think from the hurt of various relationships, and not close friendships made it an awkward evening. I think I have come to that point where I don’t have much in common with those people anymore. Maybe it was just because I was single and almost all my friends in my age group are now married. I really don’t have many single friends anymore, and it kind of depresses me. My friends do ‘couple’ things now, as they should, but I feel really left out and forgotten most of the time now. Like no one really cares for me. I feel this way a lot, and with all these circumstances it doesn’t make it any better. Tonight it made me feel like I want out of this place. Like, “Jesus, Take Me Home”. I almost started to cry. Yes, it’s that bad. I didn’t stay for the ice cream, as I wanted to go to Fusion. I really love all those people. I miss them if I don’t see them.
I love all my friends, but I know what would have happened if I would have stayed at the reception. I would have found some spot to sit with some people I haven’t talked to for a while. I’d watch, eat and simple small talk, never really getting anywhere deep.
I love, and thrive on deep conversation, something with meaning. I don’t like small talk.
I’d see all the happy couples, and the newly weds, and get really depressed. Some people would say it’s my choice, I don’t have to get depressed, well guess what... It just happens.
At the end of the night I’d leave alone, sad, mad, and depressed. I wonder if my friends really care how I feel? When I had thought of committing suicide, they just went on with their own lives, I had a ton of those warning sings, and it just seems like everyone just kept on without even thinking about anyone besides themselves. I didn’t do it just because I wanted to live and piss them off because they didn’t even lift a finger to help.
I love to be around people who are HUNGRY for God! Who want to completely surrender their lives to serve Him. I don’t want some mediocre church life that goes nowhere. I don’t like dead religion. I don’t like religion either. Anything that takes away from the true Power of Jesus, and denies, and makes up their own rules and traditions to suit their own needs is not true Christianity. Don’t put God into a box. You want to know the guidelines, what to follow and what not to? You want to know the true power of God and the Holy Spirit, read the bible. Read the Gospels and Acts. Don’t wait for someone to feed you. You have to go fishing. Don’t wait for the fish to come when they want to. You’ll never get a catch sitting on the shore without a line.
Fusion was great. Evangelism training… and they will actually go OUT and do it.
God is calling us out of the walls. We were never supposed to stay inside. One point of the Gospels is that we… GO OUT! I get to do some worship next Friday, and talk with them and get to know some of them better. I know I’m where God wants me right now.
This will be a total God Filled weekend. Fusion, The meeting at Chris’s home, church, and a trip to Ottertail to the Firestarters ministry! God was doing something in my heart tonight about evangelism and the lost. Kind of like a burning or a desire. I had that a year ago and it might be firing up again. I hope so. I think I disappoint Jesus a lot. I don’t always obey, I have disbelief, and other issues. I know He loves me and will never leave, and I still hear Him sometimes. I’m just in an odd phase and place in my life. It’s almost like transition. Maybe the change between 26 and 27 is like this? October 29th. I’ll be 27. I’m almost 30. Sometimes I just don’t know. I think I just want Jesus. Shut out the rest of the world, go live in a cave, farm the land, and worship Jesus. And time to time venture out and preach to the surrounding villages and towns. I want to be married. To the right one that God has planned out for me. I won’t just settle for anything less.

Jesus, Put a burning desire for the lost, the homeless, and the downtrodden into my Heart.
I ask for the boldness to preach your Word. Give me a revelation of Hell, and the severity of the hour at hand where millions are pouring though Hell’s gate every day. I ask for divine opportunities. Remove the uncomfortable, the fear of man, the anxiety, and anything that hinders love and compassion. Help me keep my mind on the Kingdom of God and not on our own world. This is not my home. I only have a short time here. Put my mind, eyes, thoughts, and heart on Your purposes. I ask for an unquenchable Fire!
Come Lord Jesus, Come! My life is yours.